CBT and Me

     I've stated in a previous blog (Shy or Social Anxiety? 12/4/2011) that I felt that I am more shy than I am anxious at this time in my life.  I said that I felt as though I have more control over the anxiety than the anxiety has over me.  All of this is still true.  I've made great, maybe even amazing, strides through the decades I have dealt with SAD.  Most of what I have learned about how to deal with this devastating disorder has been done on my own through trial and error.  I have a beautiful family and have had a successful career which spans 30+ years in Information Technology.  I owe a great deal of credit for my successes to the support and understanding from family, friends and coworkers.  I could easily be content living out the rest of my life being the person I am today.

     Throughout the several weeks in December and January while I was not writing but rather reading about SAD, I realized that I can still move forward from where I am today.  In the last decade I have been taking medication to help control my anxiety.  When I first learned about SAD 10 years ago I did some research on the web but I did not dig as deeply as I should have.  I was under the impression that the intense anxiety was the result of a low serotonin level in the brain.  It seemed to me that medication was the best option for me.  While digging deeper into SAD I've discovered that neuropathways in the brain affect the serotonin levels and not the other way around.  Using CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) can change the neuropathways that your brain automatically uses and therefore will change the serotonin level in the brain.

     I don't think it is any secret based on the title of this posting, "CBT and Me", that I am planning to use CBT to change my life. "I'll bet there are a few dumb-dumbs out there that couldn't figure that out" interrupts Bill's negative voice.  Bill's inner positive voice responds "Hey negative voice, the point Bill is about to make is that you are no longer welcome in his life and he plans to silence you for good".  I am going to be using the audio therapy series "Overcoming Social Anxiety: Step by Step" found on the Social Anxiety Institute (SAI) website (you can find a link to this website in the column on the right under the heading "Additional Information About SAD and SM").

     The CBT series is very comprehensive consisting of 20 CDs, a workbook and a vast resource of additional information at the SAI website.  It is highly recommended to spend one week on each CD and to practice the therapy exercises at least 30 minutes a day.  To change ones neuropathways takes time and repetition.  The exercises are not difficult to do but without dedicating enough time and being persistent your thought patterns cannot change.  In order to get better you need to eliminate the automatic negative thoughts that keep you from overcoming your anxiety.  Your brain needs to be reprogrammed to stop engaging your negative internal voice that convinces you that you can't handle what is about to come your way.

Bill's Negative Voice: (with a slight chuckle in his voice) "So you plan to eliminate me by keeping the brain from automatically calling me to come to the rescue? Let me tell you a little something my prized puppet, your brain and I have been working together for so long that we are closer than Siamese twins.  There is NO WAY you can convince the brain to stop interacting with me.  It would be futile for you to even try this "hocus pocus" stuff on the brain and I"

Bill: "I'm glad to hear that you are convinced that I don't stand a chance against you and the brain.  After all, if I don't stand a chance then there is no reason you shouldn't let me try CBT so that I can see for myself that it is a waste of time.  That is unless you are lying to me to keep me from trying CBT.  You are not lying to me are you Negative?"

Bill's Negative Voice: (a little shaken) "Of course I'm not lying to you.  I have never lied to you.  I am your protector, keeping you out of harms way.  You have such a busy schedule and to add this kind of time commitment to the mix is not good for you. I've heard through the negativity grapevine that this CBT stuff is more hype than help.  I don't want you to put forth this much effort, time and energy into a hoax at best.  If your schedule wasn't already so busy I would be the first to say 'go for it' because this CBT garbage doesn't scare me in the least.  I just don't want to see you end up more discouraged WHEN this doesn't work."

Bill: "Well Negative my old "friend" (not), I think that now is a good time to try CBT.  On the one hand I could fail and end up crawling back to you.  I know you'll greet me with your usual insults and of course your famous phrase "I told you so".  On  the other hand I could feel better about myself than I ever have and you can take an early retirement."

Bill's Negative Voice: "WHEN you fail I will have the perfect saying for your confidence's tombstone:"

Here lies Bill's confidence,
I pity the poor fool,
He wouldn't listen to Bill's negative voice,
And instead became a victim of the CBT tool

Bill: "And the saying for your tombstone should I succeed:"

My mom taught me long ago,
Not to say anything about the dead unless it was good,
My negative voice lies here dead,
GOOD!

Peace,
Bill